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A Lover's Hangover

Updated: Feb 24


His name was James. I remember the first time I looked at him. It was electrical, and I felt it throughout my entire body. I could barely bring myself to his penetrating dark blue-eyed gaze as it made my whole body feel like, at any moment, my knees would buckle, and I could collapse into a heated puddle.

Two years into our partnership, I was very much in love. His gaze could still cast a spell over me, but my affection had grown into more than just lust.

We had just moved in together when I began having mysterious headaches that were quite unusual. I tried explaining what was happening to friends, family, and eventually doctors, but no one seemed to be able to help me. Before the onset of a headache, it was as though I could sense energy moving toward me. I felt a thick, heavy fog that moved like molasses, always finding a home in my skull. I grew tired of everyone looking at me in disbelief like I was crazy, so I eventually stopped asking for help and began to accept that I would lose a week of every month and be bedridden sometimes, and that's just how my life would be for me.

The headaches weren't just physical. An emotional and mental perception accompanied them. As soon as this dense pain entered me, I could feel my entire perception of the world around me change. It looked different, and the colors weren't as bright. People seemed less dimensional and complex, almost like they were diminished caricatures of themselves instead of vibrant, dynamic, and alive beings. A fogginess of sight often accompanied my experience. Like when you have a fuzzy dream where the pictures you see aren't entirely clear.

The emotional part of the headache felt like anger, frustration, and impatience. A scowl would find its way to my brow as though it was superimposed onto my face. It felt like judgment. I couldn't look at anyone with love when this would happen, which was so unusual for an empathic girl who wore her heart on her sleeve. It would take all of my inner strength to shake these headaches.

This went on for months. I was frustrated and didn't want my life to stop again for days or even weeks. I thought about it a lot. I felt scared, alone, and powerless.

I remember the glow of the room one beautiful morning. The sun was soft and cascaded through the giant picture window that looked out into the garden. I felt happy as I folded and put away clean laundry in our oversized bedroom. My mind felt clear, and I was grateful I wasn't bedridden with pain.

All of a sudden, it popped into my mind that this issue could be an energetic one. That could be why no one could help me. At that moment, I decided that whatever was coming near me could be stopped. I would not allow this energy to continue to take me over. I felt an inner strength imerge. Determined to find a resolution, my mind chewed on this issue fervently.

All of a sudden, I saw a spike in my imagination. In retrospect, my thoughts felt guided that day. Maybe by guides, angels, my soul, or a higher power whispered through the stems of my mind. I knew exactly what to do when I saw this spike. Intuitively, I imagined this spike was right between my eyebrows, the exact spot the energy would enter. I was much younger than I am now, but I still considered myself a spiritual girl. I had yet to fully come into the spiritual potency, wisdom, strength of character, and womanhood I feel today as a healer, mystic, and wise woman. I was familiar with the chakra system and knew that this point between my eyebrows was my third eye chakra.

I thought that if this energy harmed me, power could also protect me. Feeling clever and victorious, I felt resolved. "Whatever negative energy attached to me will be blocked by this spike." I thought. I full-heartedly believed this at that moment. I continued folding laundry as I imagined this spike in my third eye.

Minutes later, my beloved walked into the room. He tenderly approached to kiss me. He reached forward, and as he was about a foot from me, he fell over. In agony and distress, he screamed out. "You stabbed me; you stabbed me!"

I was mystified, concerned, and confused. I lovingly kneeled to the ground and held him as he continued to explain. As he approached, he felt a sharp poke to his forehead, he told me.

I felt terrible that my imagination had created a weapon that hurt my boyfriend. I also had a volcano of thought and curiosity that sprung up from within. I had created energy through my visualization; I was fascinated! I did feel bad, too, but that was dampened by the inner knowing that emerged from me. Everything in existence began as a thought in mind. Through my intention, emotion, and visualization, I created a form on a psychic and energetic level.

In my mind's eye, I took down the spike as I continued to talk with James. He asked me cautiously what I had stabbed him with. I explained that I wasn't sure exactly but that I had created a spike in my imagination. He was confused and politely asked me to please stop imagining spikes! We awkwardly laughed at the absurdity of this conversation. I assured him that I had already taken it down.

James pulled me in for another kiss. His face was close, and I began to feel a slow and heavy energy that I knew all too well. It was oozing and swimming off his forehead. As I surrendered to his kiss, I felt powerless to stop what was happening. It didn't take long; the energy nested and found a home in my third eye.

Immediately, I felt a deep and slow penetrating pain in my head. As I lay in silence on my bedroom floor with my lover, I knew that the painful headaches were the least of my problems. In a moment, my world changed, and something clicked.

I thought about how James suffered from headaches long before I had mine. About his struggles with irritability and moodiness. I realized when this energy entered my third eye I was seeing life through Jame's eyes. That's why I saw the world differently. That's why I felt emotions that were foreign to me. I felt the scowl on my brow as I lay beside James in silence. It was the same furrowed brow that looked back at me. I had looked hundreds of times at my favorite face and never noticed. I always thought his furrowed brow was part of his scholarly skepticism. I had never connected the dots, but at that moment, what I realized hurt more than a headache or a missed week. My heart hurt. That's when I knew my boyfriend's energy was toxic to my body...

The End.

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